We received a lot of marital advice from various people before marriage, but most of it seemed really abstract and theoretical during our engagement period. "Don't have too many/too high/any expectations!" "Remember, the only person you can change is yourself!" "Marriage is work!"
Since we're still newlywed novices, we haven't yet gone through some of the experiences that other married couples have told us about.
But after marriage and living together, you do learn a thing or two about yourself and each other. Below are some of the simple lessons I've learned. Sorry if they might sound cliche and stereotypical, but in our experience, these are some of the words that have rang true for us.
What would you add to the list?
1) Men are fairly simple and easy to please. Women are not.
2) Open and honest communication is important... but timing, tone, and choice of words are important too.
3) It's true what my pastor's wife said shortly before our wedding.. "Men never remember.. women never forget."
4) A home-cooked meal goes a long way (see #1) I really think food is the universal male love language. It's so funny the positive impact that good food has for the hubby.
5) Romance goes way beyond chocolate, gifts, and flowers. It's sweet to notice and appreciate the little, unconventional, romantic things you do for each other.
6) You're not always going to be the rational, calm, level-headed person you want to be. Factor in stress, sleep deprivation, or PMS (female or male PMS, yes I do kinda think it exists), and you've got one moody spouse. In those cases, the voice of reason is still there (including that archive of all that grand marriage advice you accumulated), but you just don't care. What I love about my hubby is that he has a gift for encouraging me and calming me down, even when I know I'm being completely irrational. At that moment, he doesn't try to prove himself right, isn't dismissive of my feelings, and doesn't lecture me with logical counterarguments. Instead, he listens, tries to understand, and does his best to comfort me. His loving and patient response sometimes catches me off-guard, because I'm expecting him to treat me the way I deserve.. but I hope I can treat him and others with this kind of grace.
7) Living together also allows you to learn from each other's strengths. I've learned from E's patience, loyalty to his friends, respect towards his parents, and generally accepting nature towards all kinds of people.
8) Genuine words of encouragement can really lift up your loved one's spirits.. and negative words can have the exact opposite effect.
9) Give each other the benefit of the doubt...
10) ..But don't dwell when things don't go exactly the way you want or expect.
11) Praying together and for each other is so important.
12) Thankfulness is one essential part of being happy. Thankfulness to God, appreciation of each other, and a sense of gratitude for the people around you who have supported both you and your spouse.
Our case is unusual because we're doing the long-distance, international marriage. A few people have asked us how we're able to survive, being newlyweds. It is really hard. :( There were times where I thought, I would do anything to find a flight to Germany right now. Maybe one day I'll write a post on our experience in a long-distance marriage. For now, all I can say is that I just want to be thankful.
Married life is sweet. <3
(and thank God for skype).
Happy anniversary love~
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